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WHAT IS THE NATURE OF LOVE
What is the nature of love?
I have pondered this question numerous
times.
More specifically, I have pondered the
question as to what is love, and if it truly exist, who then is the
most deserving.
Love it seems is one of the
grand mysteries of the Universe that eludes quantifying.
It means so many different
things to so many different people and because of this, I have
kept away from the subject as assertively as most hetero
men puts of getting a prostate exam.
Sure, there has been a few
times over the years when I have asked many men and women their
take on the subject.
I have interviewed men and
woman with rewarding marriages (too damn few of them for my
liking) and men and woman who were eager to share a long laundry
list of grievances from past and present relationships.
Despite the fact that people
have different viewpoints on love, most of us can come to an
agreement on what some of the indicators of what represents a
loving person, or how we are to be shown love or how we should
show our love to another.
Practically everyone wants to
be loved and they want to be loved unconditionally. A smaller
percentage of us also want TO LOVE others - especially that one
special other and TO LOVE TRUE.
So why do most people feel
like they have missed the love boat?
Why are so many people unable
to give love, to accept love, or to be WORTHY OF LOVE?
Most people are offended, even
outraged at the mention that one has to be worthy of love. They
often are quick to point out that love does not have to be
earned, but instead it is something they feel entitled to. Most
of these entitled souls are also in a hurry to mention that
Jesus commands us to love one another... thereby asserting it is
their God given right to be showered with love and regard from
others which they feel is their due. The mass of humanity cannot
conceive that the love they expect from others, must be earned.
It does not occur to them that Jesus' command has likely been
misquoted and certainly taken out of context.
People often ask, "Vincent,
how in God's name did you come to the conclusion that Love must
be earned?" I will come to this important question, but first, I
want to address the basic obstacles to love, both giving and
receiving.
The answer I feel is the
preponderance of negative emotions and behaviors of which
consume the time, the thoughts of many unhappy people. Most of
these negative emotions and behaviors such as fear, anger,
selfishness, jealousy fester within these poor souls. Each of
these emotions are spiritually damaging and dangerous and
in of themselves they compete heavily with love, in the
same manner carbon monoxide competes heavily with oxygen to fill
the space on a hemoglobin molecule.
I have observed all my life
that love cannot flower in the soil of jealousy, nor can it
flourish fully in the presence of those other negative emotions.
All of these negative
emotions and behaviors are the handmaidens of hate. Hate
consumes and destroys love just as effectively as fire eats up
oxygen.
At the root of anger, jealousy
and selfishness is fear; fear of not being good enough; fear of
loss; fear of not being lovable, or of not being appreciated for
who they truly are at their core.
The root of selfishness is
fear and laziness. It is my belief that fear and laziness are the twin serpents of
Evil.
It is my estimation that too
many people, whether they realized it or not consistenly act out
with evil - they are selfish, angry fearful, jealous and
insensitive to the needs of their spouses, friends, parents, and
children. Practically no one escapes their evil.
Ironically, sadly, even
lovable people are victims of evil behavior, especially lovable
people who have endeavored and succeeded at being worthy of
love.
Before I go further at
addressing this all too common human tragedy, I think it is
essential that we address what love is.
It has been over twenty-five
years since I first chatted with a friend who I have nicknamed
Neo in my gym after hours
over the Nature of love, or to be more exact what is love. We
both had read Dr. M. Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled,
in which he addresses this elusive subject.
Dr. Peck asserted there are
many types of love; a parents love for their children; erotic
love, Platonic love, Arthurian love, romantic love, love of your
fellow humans, the love of God and finally self-love.
At the root of all love is
God. It is my thought that God is love. Love is what makes the
Universe possible; I sometimes feel it is the source of
creation. I believe this love is the well-spring of self-love
and only from this can true love of others or that special
somebody be possible.
Most people don't have too
much trouble with my definitions as to the love of God, God is
love, or self-love. Nor do they have too much trouble with
understanding a parents love of their children. No one seems to
have a problem with understanding erotic love (intense sexual
attraction and desire for another). Platonic love - the love of
a friend is another type of love that people talk about. The
three types of love that most people seem to struggle with is
Arthurian love, romantic love and love of humanity.
Yes, it seems that many people
are familiar with all but the last three types of love, in
fact they are quite adept at reciting the definitions and
various life examples as to how each one applies. Yet, Oddly
enough, there seems to be a disconnect between what people think
and recite and what they actually do or fail to do.
I cannot count the numerous
times I have listened to a man or woman giving someone advice as
to how one should treat their children, yet, perversely, they
can not seem to give the same consideration to their own
children.
I have listened to men and
woman talk about the intricacies of how husbands and wives
should be treated by their spouses, yet, sadly they cannot seem
to provide the simplest consideration for their own spouse or
significant other.
Countless times people
describe how it is to act Godly or Christ like towards their
fellow human, and yet, they often behave in the most ungodly or
un-Christian manner.
In each case, the people who
can recite the exact definition of for each category of love,
despite their inability or unwillingness to act in such a manner
are not too shy to complain if the people around them fail to
treat them within their definitions of love.
Some people seem incapable or
unwilling to demonstrate any form of love.
Many seem incapable or
unwilling to demonstrate some types of love, but they can be
very loving in other ways. For example, I know a woman who
cannot seem to treat any man in a loving manner, despite how
loving the men in her life were or are, and yet, she is the most
loving mother to her children. She treats her children and
grandchildren with such high regard, they have no doubt
as to their value in her eyes. I have often wondered why she is
unable or unwilling to treat any man with the same regard as her
children and grandchildren. I cannot count the times she
painfully recounted her hurt and anger and confusion as to why
the men in her life ended up leaving her, or never fully
committing to her.
It is odd that this
woman was able to treat her children and grandchildren as if
they were worthy of love and in turn this made her worthy of
love from them; yet, quite frankly, she treated the men in her
life as if they were unworthy and devoid of value as she
habitually did things to emasculate them or keep them
emotionally distant. The result of her actions was that she was
unworthy of their love.
I have met so many people who
understand about the intricacies of each form of love and do
demonstrate their willingness and ability to give love; that is
with the exception of one type of love.
Ironically, it is this last
form of love that seems to be the most elusive for many of us.
What form of love could that
be you may ask?
It is romantic love.
It is the type of love that
many men and women hunger for their entire lives.
It is my observation most
people never attain it. Most would not know how to pursue it if
they had the inclination; and the few that do seem to only be
able to grasp a tendril of it for only the briefest of time.
Why?
I believe it is because this
type of love requires the most effort. It requires aspects of
each of the other types of love and it also requires, I believe,
Arthurian love and only the most worthy has a chance of
achieving such love.
Yet, Ironically, sadly, it is
often the people who are the most worthy to have this love will
find it eluding them as well.
How is it that I know so much
about love?
What insights do I have about
Romantic Love?
It is simple.
I have a healthy sense of
self-love.
I feel a basic sense of love for
my fellow man.
I feel the love of God and
essentially God
is love, all true love is God.
I feel strong Parental love
for children.
I feel Platonic love for my
friends
I feel Arthurian love for
women in general.
I have certainly felt erotic
love for many of the women I have shared time with.
Most of all, I simply love
women of all sizes and shapes and ages and unlike most people, I
actually listen to what men and women want - especially women.
I know what it is like to be
neglected from people who should have given love and I have
loved and received love from women worthy of love.
Once again I have mentioned
that some people are worthy of love.
In the past year I have run
into a handful of women that certainly fit into this category.
With the exception of one of
these women I feel all the forms of love for them - minus
romantic and erotic love.
There is one woman in
particular that I have fallen for in everyway imaginable, and I
blame her for this.
Why is she to blame?
Because she is a woman worthy
of such love. She has this affect on many men.
She is not a woman that goes
out of her way to promote the interest in as many men as
possible.
No, her gift is that she is
simply a woman who is top drawer in everyway imaginable, but
mostly, she is simply a very loving woman who is vivacious and
passionate about life and despite all the crap life throws at
her, she still manages to remain more upbeat and optimistic than
most.
Who could not love such a
woman.
Did I mention that her loving
nature and her worthiness to attract love is her gift?
I did and it is.
Ironically, this gift has also
proven to be her curse.
Odd, isn't it? She is more
loving than most people and is worthy of love and yet she is
punished for this on a regular basis - and in ways that most
people would not think of.
Yet she still remains loving -
which makes her all the more worthy.
Although like Atlas she
dutifully shoulders her burden because it is her nature, and one
day It is my hope that Humanity realizes her nobility (at least
the people within her sphere of existence) and perhaps then they
would realize that need to be worthy of love by giving love and
being love. It is my hope that all men and women learn all the
things that they could do to become worthy as the woman I have
fallen for.
Until then she is blessed as
she suffers.
Most people who have read this
essay, have asked me, "Does she know what you think and feel
about her?"
The answer is no.
I have shared these thoughts
and my feelings with only my closest friends.
It is likely that she does not
even suspect that I have such thoughts or feelings.
She may even perceive me as a
quirky guy with a typical male approach or expectations of women
and relationships.
There are so many reasons as
to why I resist telling her what I think or how I feel - none of
which has anything to do the fear of rejection.
I simply do not want to add to
her burden and it is joyous enough to occasionally share her
company and simply be a friend to her.
When I tell my closest friends
this, they wonder how in the world would an admission of the
love and admiration I feel for her prove to be a burden.
Evidently, for them it seems
complex.
They could never truly
understand unless they truly understand why it is that the woman
I love is worthy of the best and truest manner of love from the
people she desires such love. Even most of my friends could not
truly understand my plight and hers, without knowing exactly how
it is that she is cursed for being so wonderful.
I have given all this much
thought and it is all clear to me as the open honesty of her
gaze and her heart.
So here I am, on the precipice
of sharing my understanding with the world on why one of God's
most wondrous creatures is more worthy of love than 99% of
humanity and how and why her gifts has proven to be such a
burden.
It is my hope that
somehow my insight will trigger enough of humanity so that they
can become as worthy, and only then will she be cursed no more.
I sometimes fear that the evil
and back-biting that is aimed at her along with the hurt and the
frustration she so bravely tries to hide may one day wear her
down as surly as a water fall wears away granite.
Unfortunately, before I can
set upon this task, I believe it best to share with the world as
to why most people are not worthy of love, why they cannot give
love and how it is that in their wake they bring fear, anger,
jealousy, hate and evil and destruction to so many
relationships.
I will tell you a story of a
woman I knew. This woman enacts all of the ignoble traits too
many human beings exhibit.
This is a story of:
THE
UNWORTHY WOMAN
THE
NATURE OF LOVE
&
WHAT IS THE NATURE OF LOVE?
Other
Stories that touch on the subject of love are:
Neo Talks About Love and Romance
- A story from my Book 'VINCE'S GYM'
WOMEN OF WORTH
WHAT MAKES A PERSON WORTHY OF LOVE?
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