---- Faini, Vincent D. Faini, Christianity, Conversations with Neo, Adventures in Marine Biology, Most People Talk Bullshit: One Primates Search For Intelligent Life, Phoenix Michaels, Touch of the Beast: Brent Fletcher, Requiem for a Midlife Crisis --- --


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What is the nature of love?

I have pondered this question numerous times.

More specifically, I have pondered the question as to what is love, and if it truly exist, who then is the most deserving.

Love it seems is one of the grand mysteries of the Universe that eludes quantifying.

It means so many different things to so many different people and because of this, I have kept away from the subject  as assertively as most hetero men puts of getting a prostate exam.

Sure, there has been a few times over the years when I have asked many men and women their take on the subject.

I have interviewed men and woman with rewarding marriages (too damn few of them for my liking) and men and woman who were eager to share a long laundry list of grievances from past and present relationships.

Despite the fact that people have different viewpoints on love, most of us can come to an agreement on what some of the indicators of what represents a loving person, or how we are to be shown love or how we should show our love to another.

Practically everyone wants to be loved and they want to be loved unconditionally. A smaller percentage of us also want TO LOVE others - especially that one special other and TO LOVE TRUE.

So why do most people feel like they have missed the love boat?

Why are so many people unable to give love, to accept love, or to be WORTHY OF LOVE?

Most people are offended, even outraged at the mention that one has to be worthy of love. They often are quick to point out that love does not have to be earned, but instead it is something they feel entitled to. Most of these entitled souls are also in a hurry to mention that Jesus commands us to love one another... thereby asserting it is their God given right to be showered with love and regard from others which they feel is their due. The mass of humanity cannot conceive that the love they expect from others, must be earned. It does not occur to them that Jesus' command has likely been misquoted and certainly taken out of context.

People often ask, "Vincent, how in God's name did you come to the conclusion that Love must be earned?" I will come to this important question, but first, I want to address the basic obstacles to love, both giving and receiving.

The answer I feel is the preponderance of negative emotions and behaviors of which consume the time, the thoughts of many unhappy people. Most of these negative emotions and behaviors such as fear, anger, selfishness, jealousy fester within these poor souls. Each of these emotions are spiritually damaging  and dangerous and in of themselves they compete heavily with love,  in the same manner carbon monoxide competes heavily with oxygen to fill the space on a hemoglobin molecule.

I have observed all my life that love cannot flower in the soil of jealousy, nor can it flourish fully in the presence of those other negative emotions.

 All of these negative emotions and behaviors are the handmaidens of hate. Hate consumes and destroys love just as effectively as fire eats up oxygen.

At the root of anger, jealousy and selfishness is fear; fear of not being good enough; fear of loss; fear of not being lovable, or of not being appreciated for who they truly are at their core.

The root of selfishness is fear and laziness. It is my belief that fear and laziness are the twin serpents of Evil.

It is my estimation that too many people, whether they realized it or not consistenly act out with evil - they are selfish, angry fearful, jealous and insensitive to the needs of their spouses, friends, parents, and children. Practically no one escapes their evil.

Ironically, sadly, even lovable people are victims of evil behavior, especially lovable people who have endeavored and succeeded at being worthy of love.

Before I go further at addressing this all too common human tragedy, I think it is essential that we address what love is.

It has been over twenty-five years since I first chatted with a friend who I have nicknamed Neo in my gym after hours over the Nature of love, or to be more exact what is love. We both had read Dr. M. Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled, in which he addresses this elusive subject.

Dr. Peck asserted there are many types of love; a parents love for their children; erotic love, Platonic love, Arthurian love, romantic love, love of your fellow humans, the love of God and finally self-love.

At the root of all love is God. It is my thought that God is love. Love is what makes the Universe possible; I sometimes feel it is the source of creation. I believe this love is the well-spring of self-love and only from this can true love of others or that special somebody be possible.

Most people don't have too much trouble with my definitions as to the love of God, God is love, or self-love. Nor do they have too much trouble with understanding a parents love of their children. No one seems to have a problem with understanding erotic love (intense sexual attraction and desire for another). Platonic love - the love of a friend is another type of love that people talk about. The three types of love that most people seem to struggle with is Arthurian love, romantic love and love of humanity.

Yes, it seems that many people are familiar with  all but the last three types of love, in fact they are quite adept at reciting the definitions and various life examples as to how each one applies. Yet, Oddly enough, there seems to be a disconnect between what people think and recite and what they actually do or fail to do.

I cannot count the numerous times I have listened to a man or woman giving someone advice as to how one should treat their children, yet, perversely, they can not seem to give the same consideration to their own children.

I have listened to men and woman talk about the intricacies of how husbands and wives should be treated by their spouses, yet, sadly they cannot seem to provide the simplest consideration for their own spouse or significant other.

Countless times people describe how it is to act Godly or Christ like towards their fellow human, and yet, they often behave in the most ungodly or un-Christian manner.

In each case, the people who can recite the exact definition of for each category of love, despite their inability or unwillingness to act in such a manner are not too shy to complain if the people around them fail to treat them within their definitions of love.

Some people seem incapable or unwilling to demonstrate any form of love.

Many seem incapable or unwilling to demonstrate some types of love, but they can be very loving in other ways. For example, I know a woman who cannot seem to treat any man in a loving manner, despite how loving the men in her life were or are, and yet, she is the most loving mother to her children. She treats her children and grandchildren with such high regard, they have no doubt as to their value in her eyes. I have often wondered why she is unable or unwilling to treat any man with the same regard as her children and grandchildren. I cannot count the times she painfully recounted her hurt and anger and confusion as to why the men in her life ended up leaving her, or never fully committing to her.

 It is odd that this woman was able to treat her children and grandchildren as if they were worthy of love and in turn this made her worthy of love from them; yet, quite frankly, she treated the men in her life as if they were unworthy and devoid of value as she habitually did things to emasculate them or keep them emotionally distant. The result of her actions was that she was unworthy of their love.

I have met so many people who understand about the intricacies of each form of love and do demonstrate their willingness and ability to give love; that is with the exception of one type of love.

Ironically, it is this last form of love that seems to be the most elusive for many of us.

What form of love could that be you may ask?

It is romantic love.

It is the type of love that many men and women hunger for their entire lives.

It is my observation most people never attain it. Most would not know how to pursue it if they had the inclination; and the few that do seem to only be able to grasp a tendril of it for only the briefest of time.


I believe it is because this type of love requires the most effort. It requires aspects of each of the other types of love and it also requires, I believe, Arthurian love and only the most worthy has a chance of achieving such love.

Yet, Ironically, sadly, it is often the people who are the most worthy to have this love will find it eluding them as well.

How is it that I know so much about love?

What insights do I have about Romantic Love?

It is simple.

I have a healthy sense of self-love.

I feel a basic sense of love for my fellow man.

I feel the love of God and essentially God is love, all true love is God.

I feel strong Parental love for children.

I feel Platonic love for my friends

I feel Arthurian love for women in general.

I have certainly felt erotic love for many of the women I have shared time with.

Most of all, I simply love women of all sizes and shapes and ages and unlike most people, I actually listen to what men and women want - especially women.

I know what it is like to be neglected from people who should have given love and I have loved and received love from women worthy of love.

Once again I have mentioned that some people are worthy of love.

In the past year I have run into a handful of women that certainly fit into this category.

With the exception of one of these women I feel all the forms of love for them - minus romantic and erotic love.

There is one woman in particular that I have fallen for in everyway imaginable, and I blame her for this.

Why is she to blame?

Because she is a woman worthy of such love. She has this affect on many men.

She is not a woman that goes out of her way to promote the interest in as many men as possible.

No, her gift is that she is simply a woman who is top drawer in everyway imaginable, but mostly, she is simply a very loving woman who is vivacious and passionate about life and despite all the crap life throws at her, she still manages to remain more upbeat and optimistic than most.

Who could not love such a woman.

Did I mention that her loving nature and her worthiness to attract love is her gift?

I did and it is.

Ironically, this gift has also proven to be her curse.

Odd, isn't it? She is more loving than most people and is worthy of love and yet she is punished for this on a regular basis - and in ways that most people would not think of.

Yet she still remains loving - which makes her all the more worthy.

Although like Atlas she dutifully shoulders her burden because it is her nature, and one day It is my hope that Humanity realizes her nobility (at least the people within her sphere of existence) and perhaps then they would realize that need to be worthy of love by giving love and being love. It is my hope that all men and women learn all the things that they could do to become worthy as the woman I have fallen for.

Until then she is blessed as she suffers.

Most people who have read this essay, have asked me, "Does she know what you think and feel about her?"

The answer is no.

I have shared these thoughts and my feelings with only my closest friends.

It is likely that she does not even suspect that I have such thoughts or feelings.

She may even perceive me as a quirky guy with a typical male approach or expectations of women and relationships.

There are so many reasons as to why I resist telling her what I think or how I feel - none of which has anything to do the fear of rejection.

I simply do not want to add to her burden and it is joyous enough to occasionally share her company and simply be a friend to her.

When I tell my closest friends this, they wonder how in the world would an admission of the love and admiration I feel for her prove to be a burden.

Evidently, for them it seems complex.

They could never truly understand unless they truly understand why it is that the woman I love is worthy of the best and truest manner of love from the people she desires such love. Even most of my friends could not truly understand my plight and hers, without knowing exactly how it is that she is cursed for being so wonderful.

I have given all this much thought and it is all clear to me as the open honesty of her gaze and her heart.

So here I am, on the precipice of sharing my understanding with the world on why one of God's most wondrous creatures is more worthy of love than 99% of humanity and how and why her gifts has proven to be such a burden.

  It is my hope that somehow my insight will trigger enough of humanity so that they can become as worthy, and only then will she be cursed no more.

I sometimes fear that the evil and back-biting that is aimed at her along with the hurt and the frustration she so bravely tries to hide may one day wear her down as surly as a water fall wears away granite. 

Unfortunately, before I can set upon this task, I believe it best to share with the world as to why most people are not worthy of love, why they cannot give love and how it is that in their wake they bring fear, anger, jealousy, hate and evil and destruction to so many relationships.

I will tell you a story of a woman I knew. This woman enacts all of the ignoble traits too many human beings exhibit.

This is a story of: THE UNWORTHY WOMAN




Other Stories that touch on the subject of love are:

Neo Talks About Love and Romance - A story from my Book 'VINCE'S GYM'





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